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GustavoLeao

Alien Covenant

202 posts in this topic

4 minutes ago, Mr.Picard said:

rySor :P

Umch Betert...;)

That last sentence sounds almost like accidental German, doesn't it?  :P

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21 minutes ago, Sehlat Vie said:

Going to see it tomorrow.  My turn to be the canary in the coal mine. :P

Hah, good luck.

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20 minutes ago, prometheus59650 said:

Hah, good luck.

Luckily I have a few leftover free tickets from Christmas...:P

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I'll just cut and paste from the Last non-ST movie I watched thread...

ALIEN Covenant (2017).

1299872272165539.jpg

Wow... that was powerfully bad.  Hard to believe this was the same Ridley Scott who gave us the 1979 original, as well as "Blade Runner" and "The Martian."  To go from those to THIS is like Alfred Hitchcock directing "Psycho" and then directing the 9th installment of the "Friday the 13th" movies.   What a drop.

The plotting and characters are so by-the-numbers and stupid that they're no better than the beats and cardboard cutouts from an '80s slasher movie (*** MINOR SPOILER ***  Two characters are literally killed having sex in a shower... I wish I were kidding).  

I thought the ALIEN franchise bottomed out with "Prometheus"...

tumblr_myykuuIUlO1r0fdszo1_500.gif

"Covenant" is a new bottom.   Hell, it actually elevates "Prometheus" a bit, in retrospect. 

In space no one can hear it suck...

 

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Hm, it's really as bad as expected, or even worse? I don't plan on seeing it at the theatre... but I guess I'll give the BD a look some day, with lowest possible expectations in mind.

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Oh dear. 

Sehlat Vie and I often have similar tastes about these things, so this doesn't bode well. 

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1 hour ago, Robin Bland said:

Oh dear. 

Sehlat Vie and I often have similar tastes about these things, so this doesn't bode well. 

I went in with fairly low expectations, and like some kind of perverse limbo dance, the movie came in well below them.   

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8 hours ago, Sehlat Vie said:

I went in with fairly low expectations, and like some kind of perverse limbo dance, the movie came in well below them.   

:( Ohdearohdear...

I may not even be able to summon up the desire to see this in a movie theater...

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3 minutes ago, Robin Bland said:

:( Ohdearohdear...

I may not even be able to summon up the desire to see this in a movie theater...

A fellow student told me today she watched it with her boyfriend this weekend. And it wasn't so bad ... but then, she also said she covered her eyes for every scary scene, it's not her kind of movie and she just went for her boyfriend... and reality shows like "The Bachelor" or "Germany's Next Top Model" are her usual tv diet, so ... :giggle:

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2 hours ago, Sim said:

A fellow student told me today she watched it with her boyfriend this weekend. And it wasn't so bad ... but then, she also said she covered her eyes for every scary scene, it's not her kind of movie and she just went for her boyfriend... and reality shows like "The Bachelor" or "Germany's Next Top Model" are her usual tv diet, so ... :giggle:

Sounds like she's never seen an ALIEN movie before (guessing?).  If she hasn't?  Then AC would be a slightly scary but largely incoherent mess.  If one is familiar with the ALIEN movies, it's a subpar rehash of the franchise's best moments, replayed with one-note characters and lesser actors.   To me, it felt like more the 6th or 7th entry in a "Friday the 13th" movie rather than an ALIEN movie made by the maestro himself.  

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I like the MINOR SPOILER you mentioned, Sehlat. Sounds like something I'd write. :P

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12 hours ago, Sehlat Vie said:

Sounds like she's never seen an ALIEN movie before (guessing?).  If she hasn't?  Then AC would be a slightly scary but largely incoherent mess.  If one is familiar with the ALIEN movies, it's a subpar rehash of the franchise's best moments, replayed with one-note characters and lesser actors.   To me, it felt like more the 6th or 7th entry in a "Friday the 13th" movie rather than an ALIEN movie made by the maestro himself.  

Maybe I have a wrong image of her, but I think she is so much not into horror movies, she couldn't even tell classic Alien movies from Friday the 13th, Part CCXVII.

I think her enjoyment mainly stemmed from having a good time with her boyfriend, and having an excuse to cling to his shoulder whenever a scary moment came up! :laugh: (So basically, the best thing really bad horror flicks are suited for, next to drinking game bets on who gets killed next.)

Edited by Sim

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I think it's okay to approach an Alien movie like that. It's pop art, a scary movie. I guess because the original somehow blurred the lines and somehow became an emblem of high culture and feminist principle too that us thickos who wanted - expected - more got confused. I stand corrected! :laugh::P

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1 minute ago, Robin Bland said:

I think it's okay to approach an Alien movie like that. It's pop art, a scary movie. I guess because the original somehow blurred the lines and somehow became an emblem of high culture and feminist principle too that us thickos who wanted - expected - more got confused. I stand corrected! :laugh::P

For some reason, her apparent enjoyment even provided me with an angle to possibly enjoy the movie ... when I watch it with having her imaginary comment track running in the background, I might actually enjoy it! :laugh:

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7 minutes ago, Sim said:

For some reason, her apparent enjoyment even provided me with an angle to possibly enjoy the movie ... when I watch it with having her imaginary comment track running in the background, I might actually enjoy it! :laugh:

Sounds like a positive way to approach it. :) 

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Well, I saw this one solo (wife wasn't having it this time out), so maybe if I had her clutching my arm and shrieking I might've enjoyed it better (:P).  Then again, my wife isn't the clutchy, shrieky, femme-fatale type... that's usually ME. :laugh:

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1 minute ago, Sehlat Vie said:

Well, I saw this one solo (wife wasn't having it this time out), so maybe if I had her clutching my arm and shrieking I might've enjoyed it better (:P).  Then again, my wife isn't the clutchy, shrieky, femme-fatale type... that's usually ME. :laugh:

Well then we know why you didn't like it ... you had no shoulder to clutch to! :laugh:

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7 minutes ago, Sim said:

Well then we know why you didn't like it ... you had no shoulder to clutch to! :laugh:

Yeah, but the sad part is; the movie wasn't even vaguely surprising, let alone scary.  So help me, I was nearly yawning through some of the gorier, more visceral scenes.  And not one person around me jumped in their seat... AT ALL. 

I found that really weird in an ALIEN movie.

Like I said in my blog, it was about as surprising as the sun rising in the east.

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Just now, Sehlat Vie said:

Like I said in my blog, it was about as surprising as the sun rising in the east.

My apocalyptic inclinations tell me that this isn't a bad thing ... at least it means we didn't have a pole reversal yet... :giggle:

No seriously, after all I heard, I don't feel like spending money for it at a threatre ... for mere sake of completeness, I'll probably get the BD some day when it's reduced, and watch it then. Not entirely sober, possibly.

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1 minute ago, Sim said:

My apocalyptic inclinations tell me that this isn't a bad thing ... at least it means we didn't have a pole reversal yet... :giggle:

No seriously, after all I heard, I don't feel like spending money for it at a threatre ... for mere sake of completeness, I'll probably get the BD some day when it's reduced, and watch it then. Not entirely sober, possibly.

You might want to just rent it... seriously.   This is the first ALIEN movie (not counting the AVP movies, of course) that I've had NO desire to add to my ALIEN DVD/BR collection.  And yes, I even own "Prometheus" on blu ray. 

This is ALIEN by the numbers. 

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Oh dear, oh dear, it's not getting any better here, is it? I'll now be waiting for the Covenant DVD to be at its cheapest! I mean I HAVE to check out how stupidly everyone seems to behave, this sounds unintentionally hilarious, exactly my kind of humor! :laugh:

Oh and btw Sehlat, if you need a shoulder to lean on, I'd love to volunteer if I could and your wife doesn't want to watch a movie with you for whatever reason, haha. I'm pretty much impossible to rattle when it comes to gore/scary things. I sit through stuff like Human Centipede 2 without even raising an eyebrow. I blame my ex girlfriend, she was the one who sent me the DVD with "since you liked the first part, here's the second, enjoy". Just don't shriek too loudly, I have a very low tolerance level towards loud noises. :P

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